My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
