I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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