What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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