the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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