I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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