in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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