Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
