I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
