Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
