we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
