Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
