Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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