My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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