apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
