Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
