i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We are two peas in an std pod
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
