I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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