it wasn't lemon gatorade
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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