Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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