You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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