Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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