I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
