If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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