I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
