I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
