What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
