Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
