We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
