So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
is wine microwaveable?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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