my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
