woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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