I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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