I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
