If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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