By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
