I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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