"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
