the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
zippers are such a cool invention
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
