I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
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At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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