Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
