Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
