i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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