I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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