I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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