Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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