I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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