I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
