UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The feeling are messing with the penis
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
