I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
