so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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