She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
