he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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