do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
