upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
