We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
