I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
