so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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