And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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