I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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