We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
