I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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