if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
