We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
