is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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