Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
