I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
