i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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