Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
