It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
