I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think pants incapable of making pants work
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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