come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
