? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
