I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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