she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
